The devastating tornado that changed so many lives in Moore, Oklahoma last Monday still saddens me every time I think about it. I had just arrived in Memphis, Tennessee for a conference and checked into my hotel room when news of the disaster was reported on the national news. The images of towns and communities being reduced to unrecognizable rumble were overwhelming. Unbelievable. Unimaginable.
You never want to hear about loss of life, but I couldn't help tearing up when they began reporting about two elementary schools that had been in the tornados path and many children reported dead. In an instant, I wanted to be back home so badly with my family—Kelly, Ensen, Avery, and our cats Jabbey and Tikki, and to give them all big hugs.
The interviews with the families and the children started showing up on the news. Kids shared how scared and terrified they were as the storm and tornado came through. How it sounded like a freight train bearing down on them. One elementary school girl said, “I held on to the wall because I wanted to keep myself safe and not fly away in the tornado.”
I can't imagine the grief so many families are dealing with as they begin to pick up and rebuild their lives. As a parent, my thoughts go out to fellow parents trying to keep things together and be strong for their children and loved ones.
When an unexpected event like this strikes, how do we grieve and start to move forward again? How do we parents help our children through these tragic times?
With the recent loss of a loved one in our family, Kelly and I had to explain to Ensen and Avery why people die and what happens to them after that. We took the approach of hitting the issue straight on, answered the questions the kids had about the situation, and focused on the good times we had when this loved one was still with us. But what else can or should we do?
I headed online to do some research on the subject of helping children deal with grief and came across some good information. One site in particular called SchoolFamily.com has some very useful information provided good suggestions, such as the following:
- Keep your home life as stable as possible. A child who didn't need a set schedule before might suddenly need structure.
- Let teachers know you welcome their observations about your child. You need to know about any changes.
- At home, don't make death an off-limits subject.
- Watch for signs that your child is pushing down his feelings. When your child says, “Everything is fine,” dig deeper.
- Make sure your child has opportunities to exercise. Spend time outdoors together as a family, and help your child make physical activity a habit.
- Accept grief as a long-term process, not something that has an end point.
Nothing in life really prepares you for these situations. Dealing with tragedy and grieving is part of life, but having supportive family and friends by your side helps in the process. As The Beatles once sang, “All You Need Is Love.”
Nathan Kam is a Honolulu public-relations executive, husband and a proud daddy of two incredible kids, Ensen (5) and Avery (3). He enjoys cooking, gardening, traveling, blogging and golfing. You can reach him via email, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn or via his personal Kam Family Blog.
